ajmatt blog

I think everyone who knows me is aware of my fear of speaking in front of people. I’ve made bits of progress over the last few years, presenting in front of groups of 20 (classmates, then co-workers) without excessive nervousness.

I agreed in January to present with a co-worker at SLA. I had never been to this particular conference, but knew thousands (more than 5,000 this year) attended and could potentially watch my presentation.

In the beginning I had doubts (that had a tendency to turn into panicked insomnia), but as more information surfaced the fear subsided. My presentation partner is as extroverted as I am introverted, we were scheduled for the last time slot of the conference, and our session was given a boring title. I guessed, correctly as it turned out, that I would have a relatively small audience.

What really changed my perspective was a quote from this blog entry Matt sent me: “many shy people are actually good presenters, more comfortable speaking to a group than to one person at a time.”

It got me thinking: while in a room full of strangers, would I rather struggle to make small talk or have a script in hand? Turns out, my answer to that question is the latter, though I know many introverts who would choose the former.

So the panic subsided, but I still had my faithful stress dreams featuring deadly tornadoes. And take a look at the first thing I saw upon exiting the plane in Denver:

Was this a good or a bad sign? I think neither, just life mocking me.

All I know is that the guy who watched me take that picture probably thought I was the lamest tourist on record.

In the end, things went just fine. Because I didn’t throw up or faint in front of the audience, I automatically met my goals. Then exceeded them. (Isn’t being a pessimist great? It’s so easy to succeed!) I annunciated clearly, didn’t speak too fast, and didn’t lose my place. The only thing that caught me off guard–I had no idea I would forget to breathe. That will be my goal next time. Breathing.

Now I feel like finals week just ended, that lingering “don’t I need to be studying?” feeling that gets in the way of relaxing for the first time in weeks. And I’ve already volunteered to do it again–under an interesting title, to get a possibly bigger audience. It’s going to get easier from here on out.

For those that want proof I really did it, the pictures are up in the photo album.